In 2015, the only people out there who have any real use for Craigslist are hookers and serial murderers. Personally speaking, I haven't used the site since 2009, when my wife and I bought an outdoor playhouse from a lady nearby. Turned out the playhouse had a colony of yellowjackets inside of it. Craigslist is less than useful. It is the internet's bear trap.
But that hasn't stopped a lot of KRAYZEE FUNNY people out there from posting some random horseshit Craigslist request that was clearly designed to either a) end up on the viral D-list or b) take a million-to-one shot at getting laid. I've had enough, specifically of these postings:
I bet he writes cover letters the same way. "Dear sir, this won't be your NORMAL cover letter [draws ninja stars all over the paper.]"
I bet he never even had a girlfriend.
Wanted: Republican nominee for president, 2016. Must have 10-20 years of experience lying. LOL! It says all the things about that job that we were only thinking!
"Eight inches, big head, long tongue. Love to lick pussy, if you're a hotty, I won't even mind licking your pussy every day for the next 2 weeks lol. I can host, but most likely would be best if I came to you. If you want to grab a drink I'm down for that also."
Hey, let me come lick your pussy. Oh, and we can have a beer, too, if you're into that sort of thing. Getting beers can be awkward, I know. Maybe we just stick to the pussy-licking. You pay for the cab.
"Why waste your time calling an escort and paying money and maybe getting arrested when you can get the real thing for free??" Because you're a hooker.
Dude, that girl didn't give you her number for a reason. Why are you looking for her on Craigslist anyway? You'd have better luck searching for her at an Amway.
Never use Craigslist.
Art by Sam Woolley.