Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

What To Get Killer Mike For His Birthday

Illustration for article titled What To Get Killer Mike For His Birthday

Generally, it must suck to share your birthday with a holiday, but it’s not so bad when your born day also happens to fall on 4/20. Today is Killer Mike’s birthday. He’s 40, and he’s the man, and he’s definitely had one hell of a wild ride. That’s more than enough reason to shower him with gifts. Here are a few ideas.


A handmade card: He seems like the type of guy who would truly appreciate that.

Any kind of Run The Jewels fan art: See above.

Weed: Mike makes no bones about his love for weed, and he often cites it as one of the things he loves the most. Just look at his Twitter bio.


A big ol’ bong: See above.

A relaxing, all-inclusive vacation: Between releasing Run the Jewels 2 and constantly touring, I am pretty sure Mike has been working non-stop for the past year, plus.

All of the awards: Mike has been in the game for such a long time, but the most success has come to him within the past year or so, as a result of Run The Jewels, his collaboration with El-P. If we could retroactively give Mike tons of Grammies, that would be great.

His own TV show: Next year is an election year, and cable news are already up our asses about it. Mike, who has recently appeared on CNN to talk about race and police brutality, and has begun lecturing at colleges around the country about similar topics, would be a nice breath of fresh air on his own show.


A nap: Mike is a dad and dads love naps, and I’m guessing he doesn’t get to take many of them to begin with.

A billion views: On “Ric Flair,” the video he just dropped.

The keys to the city of Atlanta: If not now, when?

Hot naked pixxx:


A hug or a phone call: I can say with extreme certainty that Killer Mike is probably the kind of guy who would truly see either of those things as heartfelt gifts.

Matching track suits for Mike and El-P: In velour. Trust me.

Heart necklaces that match up to say “Best Friends” when you put them together: For Mike and El.


A foot massage: I can’t imagine how much time he spends on his feet.

A very ergonomic, very comfortable chair: Back and foot health go hand-in-hand, and he and El are working on Meow The Jewels now, so taking care of both is important.


A giant cake that exotic dancers jump out of: Explains itself.

A litter/sedan thing: That he can ride around on and smoke weed from all day.

An assortment of cool and varied t-shirts: I saw Mike perform with Run the Jewels at Coachella and he was wearing a sweatshirt and I couldn’t help but think he must have been burning up out there!


A dart board with Ronald Reagan’s face on it: “I’ll leave you with four words: I’m glad Reagan Dead.”

A huge party in the middle of Atlanta: One that shuts down the entire city and features performances from Mike’s friends Bun B, Big Boi, and T.I. (if only because he always tends to show up at these kinds of things, and there’s a huge cake and everyone is invited). Killer Mike is a “the more the merrier type of guy,” and that’s why we love him.


Anything he wants: Killer Mike is the best and he should be showered with love and praise today.

Image by Jason Kempin/Getty

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