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What Is The White House Hiding About Clowns?

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The clowns amongst us have organized and entered into the formal blood pact known as Clown Purge. Our streets run red with novelty foam noses. Our horny teens, too terrified to hook up in cemeteries. It’s only natural that, in these times of crisis, we look to our Commander-in-Chief for answers. And yet, Barack Hussein Obama says nothing.


Earlier today, a Bloomberg reporter asked White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest about the clown pandemic that’s infected at least seven different states. Earnest, however, demurred:

I don’t know that the president has been briefed on this particular situation. Obviously, this is a situation that law enforcement is taking quite seriously.

Earnest then suggested than any follow-up questions be taken to the FBI.

Why does President Obama refuse to address the nation’s fear of slapstick violence? Why wouldn’t he be briefed on a national crisis of this magnitude? What does the FBI know? And why would he not he use this opportunity to land a sick burn on Donald Trump, who is perhaps the most dangerous clown of all, folks. (Barack Obama can have that one for free.)


We’ve reached out to the White House for answers, and will update if and when we hear back. In the meantime, trust no one—clown or otherwise.

[The Hill]

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Ashley Feinberg

Ashley Feinberg used to work here.

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