Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Weak-Ass Bureaucrats To Heroic Philly Citizens: Stop Turning Dumpsters Into Swimming Pools

Illustration for article titled Weak-Ass Bureaucrats To Heroic Philly Citizens: Stop Turning Dumpsters Into Swimming Pools

The wise and proud residents of Cedar Street in Philadelphia, Penn. recently threw themselves a block party. Understanding that the party would be greatly improved by the presence of a swimming pool, they participated in the great American tradition of doing whatever the hell you want. Which is to say, they turned a dang dumpster into a swimming pool:


Justyn Myers, who helped organize the block party, told Billy Penn that he had to call 10 dumpster companies before finding one that would let him rent a dumpster and turn it into a pool, and explained that he got the idea to swim in a dumpster because “it’s sturdy, it’s rentable, and I can just give it back.” Hell yeah you can, buddy. Hell yeah.


Unfortunately, the fat cats down at city hall don’t believe Myers and his friends have the right to swim in a trash receptacle, and this very snippy statement was crafted by the Mayor’s office:

“In view of the City’s commitment to public health, safety and basic common sense, we will not issue permits for block party dumpster pools. And while you would think this decision would not require an explanation, three days of press requests have proven otherwise. So, Philly, here’s why you shouldn’t swim in a receptacle most often used for waste:

  • First and foremost, this could reduce the amount of water available should a fire break out in that neighborhood. So if you would like to have water available should a fire break out in your home, don’t illegally tap a hydrant
  • There is also the potential loss of life by injury due to the hydrant water pushing a small child or even an adult into oncoming traffic.
  • Finally, remember that the pressure of the water coming out of the hydrant is so strong, and so powerful, that if opened too quickly or closed too quickly, it could deliver a jolt to the main of sufficient force that could break the main … and many blocks could lose water service until it is repaired.

We are not screwing around, Philly. The Streets Department will not issue any future block party permits to the 2400 block of Cedar, and officials have contacted the dumpster rental company regarding its failures to obtain the proper closure permits and to take mandatory measures to protect the street during placement of the dumpster.

In short, the City strongly recommends that residents opt for recreational options that are safer, more sanitary, and less likely to deplete the resources firefighters need in an emergency.”

The whole system is rigged, man.

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[Billy Penn]

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