Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Warmths, Ranked

Photo: Scott Barbour (Getty)

When it’s winter and cold outside and, say, your office is an uninsulated block of freezing concrete, you and your colleagues might spend a lot of time haggling over space heaters, thinking about warmth. There are many different warmths; here they are, ranked from best to worst.

  1. Sun on your skin warmth
  2. Fireplace warmth
  3. Hot bath warmth
  4. Just off a flight arriving in Miami warmth
  5. Smothering yourself in clothes fresh from the dryer warmth
  6. Steam room warmth
  7. Space heater warmth
  8. Smooching your sweetie warmth
  9. Under a blankie warmth
  10. Putting your cold feet on your sweetie warmth
  11. Sauna warmth
  12. Cupping a hot beverage warmth
  13. Hot oven warmth
  14. Opening the dishwasher right after the cycle ends warmth
  15. The warmth of a running internal combustion engine as a car passes over your crumpled form
  16. Those stinky little hand warmers in your pocket warmth
Advertisement

Share This Story

About the author