Everyone loves Westworld, but the only thing everyone loves more than Westworld are theories about the future plot events of Westworld. Fans coming up with and then spreading theories of dubious repute is not a phenomenon unique to HBO’s new show about cowboys and sex robots, but the layered uncertainties about the basic structure and rules of the world make it particularly suited to idle speculation.
But the internet never sleeps, and Westworld fan theories have already gotten stale. That’s why it’s time to turn our attention to the other piece of prestige television that is gripping the nation. Prepare to have your mind blown, because we’ve thought long and hard to bring you these incredible theories about CBS’s new hit show, Kevin Can Wait.
There are spoilers below from Kevin Can Wait*, so be warned.
As all fans of American cinema know, the titular character from Paul Blart: Mall Cop intended to pursue a career as a police officer, but his hypoglycemia forced him to leave the academy and work as a mall cop in New Jersey. Kevin Gable of Kevin Can Wait has just left his post as an officer on Long Island. As you know, the end of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 features Blart meeting a police officer as he drops her off at UCLA. It’s insinuated that they could very well get together, even if her horse kicks him, which could at least provide the impetus for Blart to take his copping up a level.
As the theory goes, Paul Blart: Mall Cop takes place several years before the events of Kevin Can Wait. Blart deals with his hypoglycemia enough to pass the police exam, but does not marry the lady officer in L.A. Instead, he moves to Long Island, where he works as a police officer, settles down, and eventually marries Donna Gable, who he has kids with in Kevin Can Wait. Ashamed by his wife in the first movie divorcing him after six days, he changes his name so as escape the humiliation. I predict Gable will reveal his second family in a shocking, emotional episode for fans of both masterworks.
What are some things that the bad guy from Mad Max: Fury Road likes? Big ol’ cars, large guns, shooting said guns over the gunwales of said cars. He’s also very old and possibly senile from years of sun-parched living on top of a big rock in the Australian desert. We know that the events of MMFR take place in a post-apocalyptic future where resources are scarce but for some reason everyone drives around and throws shit at each other out the side of car windows.
If you can’t see the through line from Kevin conscripting his large boy James, I feel bad for you, because it’s so obviously telegraphed in the trailer for the series. Go to the 3:29 mark of the video embedded above, and I think you’ll see how obviously true this theory is.
Here’s Kevin spending his Guys’ Day with his friends melding paintball and go kart racing into one extremely gnarly activity. Kevin has James man the gun while he drives. Obviously, Kevin/Blart’s time as a cop/mall cop has trained him for battle, but he mistakes his sweet boy’s enthusiasm for go kart racing with a zeal for weaponry. They win the race, but James is irrevocably scarred. He rejects the gun, but it holds sway over him.
Anyway, after somehow ending up in Australia during the collapse of the world, James develops an accent and thrives in the chaos, eventually rising up and becoming Immortan Joe. His father inadvertently turned little James into the most ruthless villain to roam the wastelands, a grave error, but one that produced arguably the best work of the extended Kevin James canon.
This is a simple one. Kevin’s daughter doesn’t show up until the middle of the trailer, after Kevin slips into the easy comforts of retirement. She jolts him out of a blissful retirement spent telling fart jokes and eating big sandwiches with the fellas, and forces him to be a parent to her and her alleged boyfriend. Thing is, she’s not real. She serves as a simulacrum of Kevin’s latent anxieties about fatherhood and his other daughter, whom he abandoned when he stopped being Paul Blart. She is a ghost, from a past he thought he forgot.
There you have it. Is your mind blown? Mine is, and I’m sure that I have only scratched the surface on the raw truths lurking beneath the benign, cheese-dust covered facade of CBS’s Kevin Can Wait.
*: (‘s trailer and Wikipedia page)