Photo: Jonathan Daniel (Getty)

I have a dog, and it’s a pain in the ass. The dog never goes out in the rain. He won’t leave his bed unless my wife lures him out with cheese, and it HAS to be her, otherwise he gets bitey. He sits on top of the chair all day and does NOTHING. When I walk him, he’ll lay down right in the fucking street because he doesn’t want to go anywhere. He’s just a lazy, fluffy ball of shit. And so yesterday I did what any good American does: I went on Twitter to publicly degrade a loved one.

Turns out you folks got a lot issues with YOUR dogs as well, because literally a thousand people wrote back explaining to me, in exquisite detail, why their dogs suck. Here now are a few choice entries:

 

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Fucking dogs.