Deadspin is pleased to announce our 2016 Bear of the Year. After a great deal of consideration and deliberation, we arrived at a clear choice: Bear Who Was Covered In Shit And Pissed.
Bear Who Was Covered In Shit And Pissed saw some chickens, and because he was hungry, he attempted to eat those chickens. If a bear is to survive in the harsh wilds, it must eat. Something went wrong, and instead of feasting on chickens Bear Who Was Covered In Shit And Pissed found himself stuck inside of a very large septic tank.
What is life but a series of stumbles into calamities that keep you from the existence you think you deserve?
Debased, frightened, and humiliated, Bear Who Was Covered In Shit And Pissed was eventually freed from the tank by a crew of helpful construction workers. The bear ran for freedom, and then:
Perhaps Bear Who Was Covered In Shit And Pissed took a soft tumble down a hill, and is still surviving in the wilderness. Perhaps he went over a steep cliff and died.
What will wait for you when you finally gain your footing? Freedom, or a cliff?