What you’re looking at here is a cow named Knickers, a Holstein Friesian that lives on a farm in Western Australia with a bunch of other regulation-size cows that honestly look laughably small—like a child’s toys, like a dull child’s stupid playthings—in comparison. This is because Knickers, per Perth Now, is nearly 6-foot-4 in height and weighs roughly 1.4 tons.
Knickers has been covered widely, in terms of awe and ecstasy.
Knickers’s owner, a cattle farmer named Geoff Pearson, reportedly “bought him as a ‘coach’—an animal that could take charge of the herd and show them the ropes of life on the farm.” This seems a concept worth supporting even when it does not involve a gargantuan cow. It is simply the way of the natural world.
You’re probably thinking about eating Knickers, which is honestly pretty fucked up. The joke’s on you, though: Pearson told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation that Knickers was too big to be put through a meat-processing facility and so will spend the rest of his days peacefully eating and lowing and issuing tremendous and unfathomably powerful farts alongside its much smaller peers. We’ll have more on Knickers the Large Cow as this story develops.