R&B has a long and rich history of a man sweet-talking his girl into some kinda nasty act she's not all that inclined to agree to. N.E.R.D. proposed the idea of making a sex tape with 2002's "Tape You." R. Kelly proposed pretty much every sex act ever invented in every song he's ever written. And now, Ne-Yo joins the tradition with a song off his new album, Non-Fiction. It's called "Story Time," and it tells the beautiful tale of how he got his girl to have a threesome. Cue the harps!
If you're a woman, you've likely heard some version of this argument at some point in your life. If you are an R&B fan, you've also heard it in some form or fashion, because this song is representative of a large swath of the genre. Some of it is very bad. Ne-Yo is not bad. Corny, maybe, but bad, no.
So when he invites you to gather 'round (he seriously says "gather 'round"), you pull up a spot on the carpet, cross your legs, and put on your listening hat:
I said, "I wish you'd just give it a try"
"You've never done it, how you know what you don't like?"
She said, "Am I not enough for you, is that why?"
I said, "No, I just think it would be sexy and kinda fly"
She said, "Well, I don't"
I said, "Well, if I let you pick the girl, would that make a difference?"
She said, "That don't matter, 'cause I just don't think I'm cool with a threesome"
It gets better—you can hear his girl brushing him off in the interlude:
"Whaaaaaaat? Come on. Man, you trippin'"
Soon, we learn that Ne-Yo wants a very gender-specific kinda threesome:
She said, "What if I said I want to bring in another guy?" WHAT?
I just gave her a look, like, "You done lost your damn mind"
She said, "Oh, okay, so another girl is fine"
"But when I mention another dude, you're looking like you wanna punch me in the eye"
I said, "Don't tempt me"
She said, "You know that ain't fair"
I said, "I'm just playin'"
But for real, don't no dudes allowed
Only you, me, and she in this threesome
But for real, don't no dudes allowed. Ne-Yo is singing to you as someone who has been there. And somewhere in this conversational back and forth, he convinces her, kind of, but not quite:
She said, "Hold up, when did I agree to this threesome"
I said, "Just now, and you can't take it back, let's have a threesome"
She said, "Well, I did think about my girl Stephanie before in a threesome"
I said, "I got her number, I'll call her right now for this threesome"
Well, now Ne-Yo's in deep shit for having Stephanie's number in the first place. Unclear if he got what he wanted. If this song sounds too real, it's because R&B's beautiful instrumentals afford artists the ability to be utterly brazen in the lyrics. Also, sometimes art imitates life.