Liveblogging The Last Presidential Debate Please God

Photo Illustration: Jim Cooke

Twenty-six debates. After tonight, we will have suffered a total of 26 presidential and primary debates. I truly thought we’d be all be dead by now.

But since we’re not, it’s time for the next best thing: Liveblogging ‘til our fingers bleed. Welcome, friends, to the very last presidential debate of 2016. Special guests purportedly include Bill Clinton’s alleged illegitimate son, right-wing rabble rouser James O’Keefe, and actual billionaire and Trump nemesis Mark Cuban.

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God help us all.

Ashley Feinberg

Ashley Feinberg is a senior reporter for the Special Projects Desk, which produces investigative work across all of Gizmodo Media Group's web sites.

Yeah Scocca, now that you mention it, she did go noticeably harder at him a few times. And there were clearly some times where she made a point of following onto one of his extremely bullshitty answer by flexing her command of actual details and specifics.

Like when he rambled about how none of the bad guys are in Mosul anymore, and she led her rebuttal by pointing out that it’s a Sunni city. It didn’t really go to her point all that well; I think it was just there to underline that she knows actual things about the world, and that Donald Trump doesn’t.

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ABC’s bipartisan panel just hammered Trump for his performance like I’ve never seen any debater get hammered. Small sample size, I know, but: Trump’s a uniter, not a divider!

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Trump didn’t get a handshake from Hillary Clinton, so he walked offstage and just got a shake from Vince Neil of Motley Crue.

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So, I dunno, I missed the first half-hour, but I don’t think this debate differed much from the first two? Hillary seemed prepared and knowledgeable in service of the blandest of centrist political hooey; Donald seemed unhinged and stupid and like a big blustering doofus who doesn’t actually know anything about anything.

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Haha, Donald repeating retirement-home myths about inner cities back to the retirement homes.

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Bet Wallace cuts her off at 50 seconds.

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I mean, he was chewing on the word “bitch” there. Just chewing on it.

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“Such a nasty woman,” Donald clucks into the mic.

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Ah nice, entitlement reform. Another thing Chris Wallace and Chris Wallace alone gives a good god damn about.

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It gets extremely dreary when Hillary hits that gear where you can tell she’s grinding from the subject over toward some familiar canned line.

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Yeah, Pareene. “This is all just bluster and hot air. Donald doesn’t actually know anything.”

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“Why are both of you ignoring this problem?”

And with that question, Chris Wallace plays himself right the fuck out of the room.

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Hillary just gave away the military’s plan to invade Queens.

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Nobody gives a motherfuck about the debt, man.

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Oh goody. The national debt.

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This is exactly like listening to your soused great-uncle who learned all he learned about Syria from listening to Fox News over his shoulder in a barber shop staffed by septuagenarian racists.

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Aleppo used to be my favorite Marx Brother.

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The question about Aleppo should be “Donald Trump, can you summarize what’s happening in Aleppo with any degree of specificity at all.”

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Well, it says “Poo” over Trump’s left shoulder.

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HE’S LOSING IT

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Donald’s losing it, man!

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This is kind of a fun rhetorical strategy by Trump. Insisting upon the “element of surprise” in foreign policy gives him a neat cover for never expressing an actual plan for anything. If I didn’t believe his responses to foreign conflicts would be hamhanded and barbaric, I’d actually like it a lot.

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Hillary Clinton is talking about no-fly zones, safe havens, ground troops, intelligence services, and common-sense abrogation of constitutional rights. She is very bad!

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How much longer will ISIS work as an effectively frightening political shorthand for “scary scary terrorism”? Longer than ISIS itself will continue to exist in any meaningful physical form?

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