My colleague Samer just discovered this funny video of a southern gentleman giving his thoughts on the USMNT drawing Portugal. It turns out that this guy also posts quick video reviews of Game of Thrones episodes on his YouTube channel, and each one of them is a ridiculous treasure. I present a handful here, along with some of my favorite lines from each one, for your enjoyment.
- "They were bitchin' about everything from her dragons burnin' up their goats, to all those fuckers she nailed up on those crosses."
- "Peter Dinklage is a bad motherfucker, I'll tell ya."
- "Should I give spoilers or not? Alright here it is: spoiler warning, I guess. You got about five seconds to bail on this video if you haven't already."
- The part where he pauses to spit some dip into a soda bottle.
- "Ended on a high note with Dinklage gettin' down. Swingin' big fucking midget dick all over the place."
- "She did bang ol' dude. She's trying to start a little controversy between a couple of her head dogs, it seems like now."
- "That little freaky kid—I love him—he's in this episode, he flips out again and goes nuts. I love that kid. His mom's a little bitch: Lysa."
- "There was some titties. The Red Woman, got a nice look at her titties for a few seconds in this episode—probably longer than that, probably 20 seconds of Red Woman titties."
- "That's about it. Some man ass, no floppy weiner."
- "I extremely apologize if you're watching this. This is a horrible review, but that ending still has me baffled. Crushed a man's skull with his bare hands."
- "His woman freaked out. So did I. I also made a reaction video here on YouTube. I had to edit out all the sound, it was a pain in the butt, whatever, so anyhow, that's the review. I'm sure you saw it; I thought it was a great episode. What'd you think?"
- "The final scene was shocking, but awesome before that. Oberyn was talkin' some major smack, had ol' dude all messed up. Then he gets tripped, grabbed by the throat, punched, eyes gouged out, skull crushed, game over. Tyrion: screwed."
- "Khaleesi can't have those sad stories every Sunday morning, so she locked the dragons up."
- "Stannis comes to town, takes the wildlings captive. Jon Snow let's him know, like, 'Eh, dude, Ned Stark was my old man.' So everything was cool, obviously, apparently. Just about everybody likes the Starks, except the Lannisters. More on them later."
- "Ooooh Brienne of Tarth and the Hound went head-to-head in a major battle. Brienne of Tarth took him [eye roll] somehow. Whatever."
- "Brandon Stark, yeah man, he lost one of his compadres."
- "Some weird stuff goin' on underneath that tree. Don't fully understand that."
- "First Cersei does some weird shit. She goes in, tells her dad everything's true. Then she goes in and seduces Jamie, pretty much just grabs his balls, starts making out with him. They get it on."
- "Whatever. So that's my wrap, I'm sure I forgot some shit. The Heat lost to the Spurs. Go Tim Duncan."
And a bonus live reaction to the Oberyn-The Mountain showdown:
This guy kills me.