1. Your soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled-up knots.
2. You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile. (2a. Given the choice between the two of you, I’d take the seasick crocodile.)
3. The three best words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: “Stink, Stank, STUNK.”
4. Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots.
5. Your brain is full of spiders.
6. You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.
7. You have termites in your smile.
8. You’re as charming as an eel.
9. You nauseate me.
10. You’re a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.
11. You’ve got garlic in your soul.
12. I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole.
13. Your heart is full of unwashed socks.
14. You’re a vile one.
15. Your soul is full of gunk.
16. You’re as cuddly as a cactus.
17. Your heart’s an empty hole.
18. You’re a monster.
19. You’re a foul one.
20. You’re a mean one.
21. You’re a nasty wasty skunk.
22. You’re a rotter.
23. You’re the king of sinful sots.
24. You really are a heel.
25. You’re a crooked jerky jockey and you drive a crooked hoss.
