Christmas feels incomplete without at least four-to-six partial viewings of A Christmas Story, Bob Clark’s 1983 movie based on Jean Shepherd’s semi-autobiographical stories. By now, if you have a heart, you’ve seen each segment and running subplot dozens of times. But which are the best? And which are the less-best (there are no “worst”)? Finally, a scientific ranking:

  1. The Scut Farkus Affair
  2. Little Orphan Annie Secret Society decoder pin
  3. Chinese turkey
  4. Flick gets his tongue stuck to a pole
  5. Official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot range model air rifle
  6. “Oh, fudge”
  7. Randy’s winter clothes
  8. The Battle of the Lamp
  9. Department store Santa
  10. A theme for Ms. Shields
  11. Randy won’t eat
  12. Aunt Clara’s bunny suit
  13. The Bumpus hounds
  14. Realizing that the mom is the same actress who played Hanrahan’s wife in Slap Shot.
  15. The Old Man’s battle with the furnace