1. Parent (adultery)

The Iowa Department for Human Services provides services to the poor, children, senior citizens, and people with mental illness, addictions, or disabilities. Jerry Foxhoven, a retired law professor, was appointed to head up the agency in 2017, and until he was ousted last month, he added another directive to that…

What the hell! This KFC in Eden, North Carolina just exploded out of nowhere overnight, leaving residents gazing upon nothing but scattered rubble when they arrived to get their Thursday morning fill of fried chicken. Thankfully, no one was in the restaurant at 12:30 a.m. when it happened, so no harm was done aside…

Inspired by this Tyrann Mathieu tweet:

So you’ve got the hyphen. That’s the “-” guy. It joins words together. When you put “-ass” at the end of an adjective, you are using a hyphen. Also when you are separating out the syllables of a word, like for effect—“pre-pos-ter-ous”—that is also a hyphen job. The hyphen’s function in that case is to make clear that…

In case you were busy actually enjoying your weekend, Jordan Peterson celebrity cruise attendant Bret Stephens went ahead and ruined everyone else’s by scribbling out a bunch of racist bumper sticker slogans in the New York Times. And this time, ol’ Bret did so without the veneer of preciousness that he usually grants…

Last Thursday, a “sewer blockage” in the town of Melrose, Massachusetts, had city workers scrambling to restore flow across the town’s entire system. The blockage was eventually cleared, but not before it created what one affected resident described as a “tornado of poop” in her bathroom, after raw sewage exploded…

A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours. Image by Jim Cooke.

I came within a bladed edge of red death when I went out for karaoke one night last winter, but I do not hold that against karaoke. Karaoke is good sloppy fun, and it gives me a chance to dazzle the world with my signature rendition of “Purple Rain.” Our own Samer Kalaf once led a singalong of “Smooth” that…

Not satisfied with foisting predictive text and Smart Replies upon an unsuspecting public, Google rolled out a new Smart Compose feature for mobile Gmail two months ago that, like your significant other interrupting you, storms right ahead and puts words in your mouth. Like so:

On Thursday, Nieman Lab published a friendly discussion with The Atlantic’s editor-in-chief Jeffrey Goldberg and the magazine’s recently promoted executive editor Adrienne LaFrance, in which they addressed the great progress The Atlantic has made in adding women to its staff. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending…

Here are the regions of the United States.

I recently became deaf in my right ear thanks to a sudden brain hemorrhage, which is a freakish life-threatening injury that I highly recommend avoiding. The good news out of this, apart from me not being dead, is that it turns out my surviving left ear is my phone ear. I didn’t even realize it was my phone ear until…

Donald Trump’s taste is difficult to describe. You know it when you see it, but that’s not quite the same thing as knowing what it is. If you’re looking at a tufted velvet settee that looks like one of Michael Jackson’s bedazzled military-style blazers from the Dangerous tour, you are looking at Some Trump Stuff. If…

Thieves in Australia, beware: Do not try to break into the house of Adelaide’s Kym Abrook. Though he’s 52 years old, he teaches Brazilian jiu-jitsu and has the ability to destroy you with a didgeridoo if it comes to that. He doesn’t even need pants to do it.

Maybe you have seen the news that ... well, what, exactly? Near as I can tell the “news” is that lots and lots of Navy pilots have seen UFOs, but that somehow none of them have recorded anything but grainy, indistinct, Classic Arts Showcase–ass video of blurry dots which we’re meant to believe are traveling very fast…

Here is a delightful story about psychedelics to ease you into the long weekend.

Where there are people, there are rats. Or, more accurately: Where there are well-off white people, there are complaints about rats. It’s just that two of the country’s biggest newspapers can’t seem to tell the difference.

Would you get a load of this shit:

“Pieces were stolen from me
Or dare I say… given away?”