Andy Knox, a student at Da Vinci Charter Academy in California, told KRCA-TV how he came across the dead grandpa cookies. “Two weeks ago, I was just about to go into my sixth-period class, environmental science, and a girl who was also in the class stopped me and asked me if I wanted a cookie. And I knew her, so I…
There are no circumstances under which you should feel bad for Chris Christie, but here’s the one that seems closest. Heading into the primary campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination, Christie had a brand that worked for him. He wasn’t a great or even terribly good governor of New Jersey—he was…
Here is a good technique: anytime this or that Trump stooge or Republican or conservative (they’re all the same thing, really) makes surprising headlines, and you find yourself wondering if they might have done it for reasons you can respect or admire or at least in which you might possibly vest some hope or optimism,…
I was alone in a hotel room on the East Side of Manhattan last week (PRO TIP: Never stay on the East Side of Manhattan during the UN General Assembly, unless you enjoy endless traffic barricades and the overwhelming stench of cologne in elevators), when I had a really bad nightmare. Like all dreams, the particulars of…
This piece is part of a recurring series that aims to be a complete guide to the laws of war. You can read previous entries here.
If you have read anything about the NBA 2K series in the past couple years, then you know that its centerpiece “MyCareer” mode, in which you guide a custom-created fledgling NBA player to stardom, is a hyper-branded, microtransaction-choked nightmare all but explicitly designed to pressure human players into spending …
It’s both a truism and true that politics is about power, how it’s used and who it’s used against. But politics are also about the business of pain—about which individuals and which communities bear how much and at what cost, and so implicitly whose pain is worth more than others. Everyone lives in and with this…
Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh spoke many words at today’s confirmation hearings. Probably you know this already, but his opening statement, and the responses that followed, were an overlong fever dream, taking surreal detours into calendar hygiene, workouts with some now-legendary Tobin, his own principled…
That all of this—the unalloyed and dovetailing lust for power of one white male sociopath and the aggregate of white men, the future of the highest judicial body in the country, that country’s total failure to assign any kind of consequence to sexual violence, America’s marrow-deep hatred and fear and distrust of…
I have never left a job in a huff. I have never stormed out. I have never flipped my boss the double bird. I have never quit a job with proud disregard for the potential consequences. The closest I ever came to such a fever dream was when I quit a legal ad firm after just three weeks on the job, because I had gotten…
Shit’s real weird now.
Summer is almost over. But the sweet memories of those last months remain: Sweating through your clothes, forgetting to correctly apply sunscreen and getting burnt, getting so drunk you embarrass yourself, forgetting your sunglasses and not being able to see. And also some good things, too, presumably.
There may come a time in life when you’re 83 years old and posted up at the bookies in Glanmire, Ireland, enjoying the retired life. When three men wielding hammers and a gun barge in, what will you do? “You can either run and hide or take a stand and I took a stand,” was the answer that Denis O’Connor found in…
I have a dog, and it’s a pain in the ass. The dog never goes out in the rain. He won’t leave his bed unless my wife lures him out with cheese, and it HAS to be her, otherwise he gets bitey. He sits on top of the chair all day and does NOTHING. When I walk him, he’ll lay down right in the fucking street because he…
Hey pals. How’s your morning been? Did your Breakfast Behemoth turn out okay? Here’s what the President of the United States has been up to:
President Donald Trump, a person who is afraid of stairs, has long spewed mush-brain lies and bizarre boasts about everything, and that includes 9/11. Remember when he claimed he cleared rubble from Ground Zero, or the time he lied about seeing Muslims celebrating the Twin Towers falling, or when he said “hundreds” of…
The new Spider-Man video game came out for PlayStation 4 last week, and I was eager to spend a chunk of my weekend playing it. Some things I immensely enjoyed during my few hours of play time: web swinging, jumping off buildings, web swinging, whispering “whoa, that looks just like the real Empire State Building,” and…
WILDWOOD CREST, N.J. — The shot felt good off my hands. I pumped my fist when it went through the net and called it a day. You have to end on a make. I left the basketball court and went straight to the beach. I swam in the ocean. Later I jumped in a pool. After that I walked to my favorite pizza place. Then I went to…
For the better part of the past two years, I have asked (on Twitter) various celebrities if they like Pink Floyd. There’s neither rhyme nor reason as to why I asked these people. There is no specific order to them either. It’s a credit to my ADHD as much as it is just seeing their names on my Twitter feed. The…
A few weeks ago, I learned about a dystopian gathering called OzyFest where people paid real American dollars to gaze longingly at thinkfluencers and hear soup-brained psychopaths like Karl Rove host panels. The Silicon Valley–funded Ozy—which is somehow not an incisive performance art piece about our culture’s…
