Photo: Carolyn Kaster/AP

Betsy DeVos, a galactically rich and galactically evil anti-public school, anti-gay rights donor appointed by Donald Trump to be our country’s next Education Secretary, is going through confirmation hearings tonight (sports angle: her shitty father owns the Orlando Magic). She was asked about guns in schools. She said it was worth exploring. Her reasoning? “Grizzly bears.”

This is no-shit good advice. I can’t tell you how many times through my years in California’s public school system my classmates and I were threatened by grizzly bears. Once at recess, I kicked the ball too far and my friend Chris had to go get it. He never came back and a week later they found his mangled body in a local grizzly bear den. The memory still haunts me to this day. I miss you Chris. I’m sorry.