Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

This is just a really special moment for humanity. We take you to the website for Fox 101.9, a radio station in Melbourne, Australia, where "Web Guy Josh" has published a peppy, harmless instructional post for the making of an "Amazing Rainbow Tie-Dye Number Surprise Cake."

Under almost any other set of circumstances, the most noteworthy thing about this internet post would be the "Amazing Rainbow Tie-Dye Number Surprise Cake" itself. Look at that goddamn thing! It's a brick-shaped cake, sheathed in rainbow-colored fondant, with a kaleidoscopic number baked into the middle of it.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

That is one wild-ass baked good, friends. If some lady made that cake on Ultimate Cake Massacre or whatever the latest cable-TV baked-good game show is, you'd be all, go home, baker-lady, you're drunk.

Give internet user "Baked it before" some credit, then: Not only for treating this thing like a serious baked good, but for having made at least a couple of good-faith efforts at figuring out the best way to bake it. "Baked it before" has a suggestion, down in the comments:

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Got that? Assemble the cake partway, freeze it, then proceed. Good tip! That is a good, constructive internet conversation right there. Good job, everybody.

But wait! How frozen do the numbers need to be? Firmed-up, or, like, frozen-frozen? Irene wants to know:

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Ha, thanks peb. I mean, there may be a hint of snark, there, but I think the message comes across. Frozen-frozen. Got it.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

I know, right? I mean, that's not exactly what "rhetorical" means, but, OK. Maybe definitions swirl the other way in the Southern Hemisphere. Point is, it was a mildly humorous little internet moment. Ask a silly question, et cetera. Good for a chuc—

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

"If you were a real baker."

Guys. Let's reel it back in here.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Getting a little worked-up here, folks. It's rainbow cake. Can't we just be happy that we've learned to freeze our numbers first?

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

... "Facebook balls"?

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

The infinite regress: It begins!

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Yes, lmaooooooo indeed, but you're not really helping things, guys.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Gavrilo Pincip: [shoots Archduke Ferdinand]

Archduke Ferdinand: [dies]

Jeanette Daniels Benziger: "I enjoy this motorcade and will recommend it to my niece."

I'm sorry, Jeanette, but it's far too late for this kind of sentiment.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Because you wouldn't want to ... uh ... get any, uh ... curse words ... on your, uh ... food.

Hmm.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Yeah! Damn those idiots!

Wait. Which ones are the idiots.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Wait.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Wait!

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

"I MYSELF? AM VERY GREATFUL"

[dying]

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Listen, Denise, this is a fine sentiment, but I want to know more about the etymology of the word "liberal." Help us out, Dan.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Oh for sure man.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Hey, does your dictionary have the word "homonym" in it? Oh, no particular reason.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Correct.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

This is an article about a rainbow cake with numbers in it.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

"For expert geopolitical analysis, we'll now turn to the comments under an Australian radio station's rainbow-cake recipe."

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Rainbow cake. Numbers.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

If only you could, Pam. If only you could.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Chaos reigns. My favorite comment here is from TheOhiosVoices. Oh ho HO, but it seems that it is YOU who are the rude one! "Lemme just drive past this flaming bus accident to chide this weenie doing 56 on a motor-scooter for being The Real Bad Driver."

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Listen. Something incredible is happening here. These two people haven't even read the whole communists-versus-fascists fracas. They're responding to the interaction wayyyyy back up at the top, when Irene asked how frozen your numbers need to be, and peb gave a mildly snarky reply. And they're starting an entirely new culture-war fight, over an entirely different topic, in the same thread. That is incredible.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

[speechless]

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

Hey! Quit with the meta-commentary, assholes! That's my job.

Fuckin' white people. SMH at your stupidity.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

"What'd you do today, hon?"

"Oh, nothing. Just defended our entire way of life to a stranger in the comments under a rainbow-cake-with-numbers-on-it recipe on an Australian radio station's website."

...

"Run that by me again?"

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

So you're saying this whole thing might have begun with an innocent misunderstanding? Huh. That seems reasonable. Maybe we can get a straight answer to this question, now that we have some clarity. A cessation of hostilities! An end to the madness! Thanks, "me." History will remember you as a great deliverer of sense and peace.

Rainbow-Cake Recipe Inspires Comment Apocalypse

[long, fading scream]

Image by Sam Woolley.

h/t Paul Ford