Photo: Getty

Today, D.C. access journalism kingpin Mike Allen, known for letting political players dictate the tone of their own coverage and for posing in a smiling photo with Donald Trump, will be meeting personally with Donald Trump. We’ve obtained an early transcript:

[***SOUND OF A MAN LICKING ANOTHER MAN’S SHOES FOR AN HOUR***]

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This rush transcript is subject to revision but is generally presumed to be accurate.