The hippies over at Mother Jones magazine drew our attention to how McDonald's "can't decide whether to troll hipsters or embrace them," so while we all figure out which side of the coin ingesting kale falls on, we're wondering about the new McMenu.

Advertisement

  • Chicken McKaleNuts Nuggets
  • Kaley McRibs of Kale
  • Filet-O-Fuckin' Kale
  • Quarter Pounder but with like a Pound of Kale on it
  • McDouble (Kale)
  • Shamrock Kale Shale Oil Shake
  • Mac Snack Wrap (If your Idea of a Snack is some fucking Kale with pickles and those shitty little chopped McOnions jammed inside a sleeve of Kale)
  • Premium Crispy Kale-Chicken Bacon Clusterfuck of Kale Sandwich
  • Big Mac with Special Kale Jizz all over everything, gross
  • Sausage KaleMuffin with Egg but the Sausage is made out of Kale and so is the Egg and so are you
  • Kale Browns
  • Apple Krapple Kale Pie
  • Yoplait Go-GURT Strawberry YoKALE
  • McDonald's World-Famous Fries are EXACTLY THE SAME*

* If you order fries, the Clown comes out of the kitchen and forces you to eat two pounds of Kale and wash it down with a Coca-Kale-a, and he won't let you use the restroom. Also, you need to use a debit card from now on because if you use cash they give you change in Kale.