While you were busy watching Wrestlemania or The Walking Dead or something, a pair of second-tier awards shows aired—one sponsored by a bullshit media company tied into this weekend’s Final Four, and the other just another one of country music’s 184 occasions upon which to celebrate itself. We picked through isolated vocal tracks from both the iHeartRadio Music Awards and the Academy of Country Music Awards in order to bring you the best—and worst—of what we heard.
Among the best? Soccer managers’ favorite Jason Derulo, whose vocals-only feed from the iHeartRadio thing can be viewed up top. Pretty good dancing, too! The Weeknd, appearing live from Canada, was also pretty great, though he’s not as good a dancer, and based on his lyrics, at least, is also an objectively terrible person:
Pitbull, as usual, was weird, and sang babybabybabybabybaby a lot, and sounded disconcertingly like Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler singing “Walk This Way”:
We don’t know how many people were arrested during this Kenny Chesney performance, but it was probably a lot, and his vocal coach was hopefully among them:
Here’s a band called DNCE, which apparently stands for Disable Nearby Citizens’ Ears:
The boldest performance of the night? Justin Bieber, who has a not at all culturally insensitive new haircut and finished his set with an a capella rendition of his favorite Philip Glass tone poem:
Finally—because someone will ask—here’s Carrie Underwood’s entirely unremarkable performance, whereupon she auditioned for a steampunk Cinderella remake and whacked some drums and sang about murder.