Well, Lifetime either got some kind of insane deal on these actors, or found these people in a random parking lot, or the casting director involved suffers from face blindness. Because this is the cast of its upcoming fictionalized Full House movie. Cut it out!

The film stars Ben Roethlisberger’s receding hairline as Joey, a young AC Slater as Uncle Jesse, Quagmire as Danny Tanner, and some blonde kids with bangs as DJ, Michelle, and Stephanie. Although, to be fair, the guy on the left could be Dave Coulier’s brother who’s finally getting his big break. The Unauthorized Full House Story follows in Lifetime’s grand tradition of telling the behind-the-scenes version of our favorite wholesome ‘90s sitcoms, as with The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story. This one should be particularly fun because Jodie Sweeten was addicted to meth for a while. Also, Bob Saget is a perv in real life, and on the show he played an embarrassing and moral father! What! This should be fun. [AV Club]