Tonight, NBC hosted a “Commander-in-Chief Forum,” which consisted of 30 minutes of Hillary Clinton talking about her emails and 30 minutes of Donald Trump declaring his intention to commit war crimes. As far as anything in this election goes, it was a resounding success.
My favorite part came when Donald Trump was asked by a member of the audience how he’d stop the next ISIS from forming. Of course, we’ll likely never know the answer to the actual question, but Donald Trump did give us this:
Part of the problem that we’ve had is we go in, we defeat somebody, and then we don’t know what we’re doing after that. We lose it, like, as an example, you look at Iraq—what happened. How badly that was handled. And then, when President Obama took over, and likewise—it was a disaster. It was actually somewhat stable—I don’t think it could ever be very stable, it’s a war we never should have gone into in the first place. But he came in and he said, “When we go out”—and he took everybody out. And really, ISIS was formed. This was a terrible decision, and frankly, we never even got a shot. And if you really look at the aftermath of Iraq, Iran is going to be taking over Iraq. They’ve been doing it, and it’s not a pretty picture.
The—and ... and I think you know, cause you’ve been watching me I think for a long time, I’ve always said, “Shouldn’t be there! But if we’re gonna get out, take the oil. If we would have taken the oil, you wouldn’t have ISIS. Because ISIS formed with the power and wealth of that oil.
This was a solid minute of seizing followed by a promise to “take the oil” in what I imagine must be an exceptionally large, winged bucket. God bless you, Donald Trump.
Lacking imagination, Matt Lauer—why was he asking questions of a presidential candidate? who knows—then asked exactly how Donald Trump would take the oil. This is how Donald Trump is going to take the oil:
Well, you—you just, you would leave a certain group behind. And you would take various sections where they have the oil.
People don’t know this about Iraq, but they have among the largest oil reserves in the world.
But wait, you might ask. Isn’t pillaging the natural resources from a country you’ve invaded a war crime? Why yes, yes it is. But don’t worry, Donald Trump is the president now; none of that matters. Carry on, President Trump:
You know, it used to be, to the victor belong the spoils. Now, there was no victor there, believe me. There was no victor. But I always said, “Take the oil.” One of the benefits we would have had if we took the oil, is ISIS would not have been able to take oil and use that oil to fuel themselves.
Does Donald Trump know what oil actually is? It’s impossible to say for sure but—almost certainly, no.
Uncomfortable with this, Matt Lauer—we’re still not clear on why he was half of this conversation—then asks, “Is the plan you’ve ben hiding this whole time asking someone else for your plan?” Trump answers, “No, but when I do come up with a plan that I like, and that perhaps, agrees with mine or maybe doesn’t, I may love what the generals come back with.”
“But you have your own plan?” Matt presses. Trump answers:
I have a plan. But I wanna be—I don’t want to... Look. I have a very substantial chance of winning. Make America great again. We’re going to make America great again. If I win, I don’t want to broadcast to the enemy exactly what my plan is.
The problem with that, of course, is that roughly five seconds ago Trump told us that he did not, in fact, have a plan. Unless he’s referring to his plan to take the oil.
The debates are going to be glorious and wonderful.