I'm on SweetWater's mailing list. They send me some good shit sometimes. I haven't reviewed any of it yet, just because, eh, lotta beers out there. But they make some good stuff. Today, they sent this bullshit.

Yeah, the Vaseline was included in the package. There's some copy on the back about it being a "big-bellied bruiser sporting a huge dry-hopped stiffy resulting in an explosive finish," in case the rest of the deal was too subtle. Oh, and a picture of a box of tissues.

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Look, I don't really give a shit, and I'm not pretending to. This is not a crime against humanity. You can name your beer Happy Ending if you want, none of my business. But what's with the jerkin' lube? WOMEN REVIEW BEER TOO, DUMMIES. I have reached out to a few female colleagues and confirm that there were no correspondingly gendered mailings. So I'm not boycotting, I'm not outraged, don't give me any shit about just being offended for the sake of it. No one has time to fight about this trivial bullshit. All I'm saying is, until a box of vibrators shows up at Gawker Media, Drunkspin will not be covering SweetWater Brewing Company.

Will Gordon loves life and tolerates dissent. He lives in Cambridge, Mass., and some of his closest friends have met Certified Cicerones. Find him on Twitter @WillGordonAgain. That's his photo.