A List Of Things Old People Are Pussies About

Recently a woman eating at a North Carolina McDonald's found a butter swastika on the inside of her bun. Now, you might think that we are all defiantly anti-swastika out there, but some of the comments on a news story about the incident proved otherwise, including one that concluded with the following:

It hurts me that people just have to find something to complain about today.

So true. There's nothing old people love more than telling us youngsters how soft our generation is today. Yes yes, back in your day you walked 50 miles to school and kept your head down and ate your butter swastika without whining WHATEVER OLDIE. So I would just like to counter the "Pussification of America" narrative by noting that old people are TOTAL pussies about the following things:

  • Eating raw fish
  • Sexy books
  • Curse words
  • Drugs
  • Loud music
  • Signing up for an email account
  • Staying up late
  • Pitching to a black hitter
  • Going to Europe
  • Talking about past trauma
  • The future, in which stockpiling gold will probably not be necessary
  • Animation
  • Hip-hop
  • Possible terrorism
  • Not voting along party lines
  • Admitting they are probably too drunk to drive home
  • Meeting new people
  • Twerking
  • All dancing, really
  • Acknowledging that Bobby is a happy young gay man
  • Violence on television
  • Falling down

Drew Magary writes for Deadspin. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at drew@deadspin.com. You can also order Drew's book, Someone Could Get Hurt, through his homepage.

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