You'll See This Car Crash Coming And It's Still Intense As Hell

The video is cued for about 30 seconds of buildup, but you might want to watch the whole thing to properly let the tension build. It's two men filming the car in front of them as the driver drifts and swerves. The video ends exactly how you expect it to—which doesn't mean you won't shit your dick when it happens. » 10/24/14 5:12pm Yesterday 5:12pm

And Now, Your Most Horrifying Stories Of Being Caught Masturbating

I'm gonna tell the Price Is Right story now, because I don't think I've ever told it in full, so here goes (deep breath): I had just transferred to a new college, and my roommate was a year ahead of me. Football player. Perfectly nice dude. We weren't buddy buddies, but we managed to co-exist amiably. Anyway, the… » 10/24/14 4:20pm Yesterday 4:20pm

Grizzly Bear Steals One Of Those Cameras You Strap To Your Head

Some guy put one of those dumb cameras that people are always strapping to their heads on a bridge in an effort to scope out some bears. Some bears did indeed get scoped, but one of them got the last laugh when he snatched the little camera and took off with it. » 10/24/14 3:44pm Yesterday 3:44pm

Texas Should Declare Independence And Make This Their National Beer

Yesterday, one of my idiot friends told me that certain South Floridians have expressed interest in seceding from the rest of the state. Roughly 11 seconds of exhaustive Googling just now failed to turn up much evidence, but let's say it's true. Makes sense. The government's way up north, and apparently run by a… » 10/24/14 1:12pm Yesterday 1:12pm

2015 Oscar Watch: Yes, It's Time To Start Arguing About This Already

As of this second, we are 122 days away from the 2015 Academy Awards, hosted by Neil Patrick Harris as Billy Crystal growls angrily in the corner and everyone tries real hard not to make a Renee Zellweger joke. That's a ludicrously long time from now, but there won't be a single moment between now and then in the… » 10/24/14 10:33am Yesterday 10:33am

TV Anchor Warns New Yorkers To Not Eat Maybe Ebola-Infected Poop

Bad news, y'all: Ebola is in New York. You may think you're screwed. You may think this is the only logical conclusion to Obama's America. You may even be right. Luckily, NY1's Errol Louis knows how to fight this plague: If you're prone to putting random feces in your mouth, don't do that for a while. Wait for all… » 10/23/14 11:20pm Thursday 11:20pm

The Hater’s Guide To Your Local Halloween Store

Every year, when October rolls around, some enterprising fellow in my area rents out an abandoned Dollar Tree and turns it into a pop-up Halloween Megastore, resplendent with costumes and decorations and fitting rooms that almost certainly now house the Ebola virus. Almost everything in these stores costs $30 or… » 10/23/14 3:02pm Thursday 3:02pm

Great Divide Oatmeal Yeti Is A Neat, Sweet Beast Indeed

Big, boozy stouts tend to be expensive, and a lot of drinkers regard them as seasonal treats, so they're not among the most popular beers from a straight sales perspective. But if you brew a stout with an alcohol-by-volume percentage over eight and give it a price tag north of $7 per 22-ounce bottle, you've… » 10/23/14 2:17pm Thursday 2:17pm

Jet Li, Ass-Kicking Jerk: The Amazing Absurdity Of Fearless

There are early scenes in the 2006 martial-arts epic Fearless that require Jet Li to play an asshole. These are some pretty funny scenes. Assholism isn't, generally speaking, his thing—pained nobility is his thing. He is a legitimately world-renown ass-kicker, of course: Before he made a single movie, he was a… » 10/23/14 12:00pm Thursday 12:00pm

Drake Protégé Gets Duffed In The Club On A Tuesday (On A Tuesday)

ILoveMakonnen is an R&B singer who has a Twitter handle for a name. You know him from a track he recently released with Drake, the one about hanging out in the club on a Tuesday. In an exceptionally hilarious turn of events, ILoveMakonnen got attacked while performing in a New York City club. And guess what? It… » 10/22/14 5:57pm Wednesday 5:57pm

Icelandic Dipshits Totally Owned By Giant Parking-Garage Cat Door

Look, there's a lot going on here, and the only available information has to be translated from the Icelandic, so bear with me: I'm doing the best I can. From available news reports (headline: "Icelander panties girlfriend and drove car sales - mixed video!"), we can glean that this transpired three years ago in… » 10/22/14 5:03pm Wednesday 5:03pm

Four Loko Hasn't Killed The Malt Liquor 40 Yet, But Better Drink Fast

While screwing around on Twitter Sunday afternoon, I made the stunning and repulsive discovery that Betspin impresario Jay Sanin is a habitual Four Loko drinker. At first, I thought he just posted this picture as a goof, but further investigation revealed that he is a married man with two dogs, a job, and a roof who… » 10/22/14 1:50pm Wednesday 1:50pm

The Tick Has Returned To Save Us From Glum-Superhero Overload

As a superhero junkie, you can spend your days now picking your side in the Civil War. You can start imagining the furniture situation in the Hall of Justice. You may even be really into Shazam. Not I. In a world where not even that terrible Green Lantern movie can kill the next Green Lantern movie, there is only… » 10/22/14 11:47am Wednesday 11:47am

Sorachi Ace Is The Most Brooklyn Of Beers

I have very little interest in the concept of Brooklyn as a lifestyle brand or cultural signifier. For one thing, to call something "very Brooklyn" is woefully imprecise: Do you mean that little part of Brooklyn with the expensive strollers and the yogurt and the kale and all that other shit we talk about now that… » 10/21/14 8:30am Tuesday 8:30am