How To Bake Bay Scallops, And Prove That Size Isn't Everything

Seems like bay scallops get kind of a raw deal, doesn't it? At my local purveyor of seafoods, the big honkin' fist-sized sea scallops get a place of honor in the glass display case, while the bay scallops are stuck over in the freezer across the way, packed by the dozens into grim plastic bags, frozen, largely… » 1/24/15 11:50am Saturday 11:50am

Johnny Depp's Weird, Mirthless Waterloo: Mortdecai, Reviewed

1. Not everything about Mortdecai is horrible. Let's see. Paul Bettany has a few charming asides as (ugh) Jock Strapp, a working-class Englishman brawler sworn to eternal and inexplicable fealty to a simpering idiot. There's a flashback scene where Ewan McGregor looks just like he did in Shallow Grave, which was a… » 1/23/15 2:15pm Friday 2:15pm

RoboCop Is The Best Movie Ever Made

In fourth grade, I went to school every day with a RoboCop lunchbox. In retrospect, this seems insane. RoboCop is arguably the bleakest, most violent, most nihilistic movie ever made by an American studio. Every scene seems to drip with malice even when nothing especially dramatic is happening. It's a masterpiece of… » 1/23/15 11:35am Friday 11:35am

There Are No War Heroes: A Veteran's Review Of American Sniper

American Sniper will likely be the most controversial and divisive movie of 2015, and it's mid-January. From concerns over the baldly anti-Muslim social-media rants it has inspired to titular real-life protagonist Chris Kyle's debatable status as a hero to his notorious unreliability as a non-fiction narrator to the… » 1/23/15 10:00am Friday 10:00am

Help! There's Smoke Coming From My Tailpipe! What Does It Mean?

Your car is like your body: deserving of the best while producing nothing but perfection. But just as you can catch a stomach bug from that cute cashier at Taco Bell who thinks washing hands is optional and find yourself spending three sleepless nights on the throne, your car can develop issues that are only apparent… » 1/22/15 2:04pm Thursday 2:04pm

The Greatest Mötley Crüe Songs Of All Time (And The Worst)

Wanna be a roadie? Guess what? BEING A ROADIE SUCKS. I spent a couple days on tour with Mötley Crüe for this big GQ article that dropped today, and I have a newfound appreciation for the rigors of going on tour and setting up an entire goddamn stage in a new city in a differently shaped arena night after night after… » 1/22/15 11:15am Thursday 11:15am

How To Survive At The Poker Table

Poker used to be cool. From Wild Bill Hickok getting shot up over aces and eights to Paul Newman and Robert Shaw eyefucking each other in The Sting, it has always held a place in American culture as the game you'd find grown-ass men playing in the smoke-filled back rooms of grown-ass places. Blame Norm Chad and the… » 1/21/15 4:25pm Wednesday 4:25pm

The 10 Movies I'm Most Excited To See At Sundance 2015

If the Oscar prognosticators are correct, next month Boyhood will become the first film to both premiere at Sundance and win the Academy Award for Best Picture. Last year's festival had plenty of other highlights, too—Whiplash, Life Itself, The Raid 2, The Overnighters, A Most Wanted Man—so as we get ready for this… » 1/20/15 2:35pm 1/20/15 2:35pm

And Now, Your Worst Failed Romantic Gestures

Back in eighth grade, I fell in love with a girl who didn't want anything to do with me, and the lovesickness got so bad that I played up the friend angle and called her every night, hoping and praying she would change her mind and want to hook up with me (NOPE). Anyway, I've told this story before, but one night… » 1/20/15 11:18am 1/20/15 11:18am

How To Meet Your Significant Other's Parents Without Terrifying Them

Of all the fraught rites of new-relationship escalation—Facebook status changes and move-ins and one of you using the toilet while the other showers and so on—none inspires more anticipatory dread than the Parent Meet. And for a whole host of legitimate reasons: the psychic weight of parental approval on even… » 1/20/15 10:18am 1/20/15 10:18am

Men Should Not Wear Jewelry

Like most other men, you might someday find yourself standing in the glow of flickering department-store lights, tempted by the prospect of wearing jewelry. "Jewelry would make me look powerful—masculine, but sensitive," you might reason, fingering an especially resplendent wallet chain. "Ryan Gosling does it." » 1/19/15 2:51pm 1/19/15 2:51pm