Gordon Ramsay's Kid Will Host A Cooking Show, For Some Reason

Gordon Ramsay, professional emotional abuser of reality-TV cooks, has a 12-year-old daughter named Tilly. And Tilly has an ambition: to indulge a 12-year-old's desire for fame and adoration in the hopes that a cooking show starring a pre-teen will goose a certain famous TV person's flagging business portfolio. … » 7/28/14 11:38am 46 minutes ago

How To Make Chicken Salad The Star Of The Show, For Once

Your whole life, chicken salad has been there for you. When you had leftover chicken, drying out in the refrigerator, and no appetite for it, ol' chicken salad was there to make it interesting and appetizing again. Ol' reliable. Silent and steady and dependable. A closer. » 7/26/14 12:02pm Saturday 12:02pm

U.S. Rep Mistakes American Officials For Foreigners; Awkwardness Reigns

The Cable at Foreign Policy has documented the collapse of the American government. In a congressional hearing on Thursday, Rep. Curt Clawson of the 19th District of Florida, mistook two senior American officials, Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, for representatives from the Indian government, and repeatedly referred to… » 7/25/14 4:05pm Friday 4:05pm

Scarlett Johansson Enters The Matrix: Lucy, Reviewed

1. Lucy posits that if a person were able to somehow assess 100 percent of his or her brain capacity, he or she would be able to travel through time, from the Big Bang to the dinosaurs to the dawn of man to the end of the world, and gather all the wisdom from millennia and hand it over as a gift to humanity. This… » 7/25/14 1:04pm Friday 1:04pm

Stop Making Sense: The Lunkheaded Genius Of Big Trouble In Little China

In 1988's Die Hard—probably the most perfect and pure American action movie ever made—we met Bruce Willis's John McClane, a different kind of action hero. McClane wasn't an ultra-capable superman, but instead a resourceful, slippery, one-liner-slinging everyman, not to mention, sometimes, a smarmy asshole. Action… » 7/25/14 10:43am Friday 10:43am

Naked Burger Thieves On The Lam In Florida Beach Town

Listen. Sometimes it's 3:06 in the morning, you and a couple of your buddies are wandering around a beach town in various states of undress, and suddenly you have need of 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers, and, uh, a paddleboard. Immediately! And the grocery stores are closed! What is a… » 7/24/14 12:55pm Thursday 12:55pm

Asshole Cannot Find Pen; Writes Entire NYT Trend Piece About It

Even by the standards of fake trend pieces in the The New York Times, today's column in about "The Demise of the Pen" in—where else?—the fashion and style section is exceptionally breathtaking in its presumptuousness. Join me now and marvel aswriterer Nick Bilton turns a moment of sheer banality into a full-blown… » 7/24/14 10:08am Thursday 10:08am

Nothing Up Woody Allen's Sleeve: Magic In The Moonlight, Reviewed

Magic in the Moonlight is the sort of Woody Allen movie that longtime fans have trouble defending, not because it's terrible or lazy—it's neither—but because it's so painfully familiar. Likeable and completely disposable, his new comedy has its chuckles, but as he gets closer to the 50-feature mark, this joins his… » 7/23/14 10:55am Wednesday 10:55am

Crowd-Funded Brewery Campaigns Are Bullshit

Crowd-funding is a great hustle. Remember a couple weeks ago when some dude threatened not to make potato salad unless we bought him a solid-gold pony with diamonds for eyes, and we actually went for it? Of course, many professional bloviators saw this as the exact moment when society’s collective handbasket… » 7/23/14 10:41am Wednesday 10:41am

Warm Your Heart With A Supercut Of Kids Swearing In Movies

There's something disarming about a little kid swearing. It's shocking and delightful at the same time, even though it's not supposed to be encouraged. That's real life, though. This supercut of children cursing in movies, however, can be enjoyed without guilt. Embrace the profanity, especially "bunghole." » 7/22/14 5:35pm Tuesday 5:35pm

How To Ditch The Pillsbury Dough-Log And Make Your Own Cookies

Ah, the chocolate-chip cookie. Many a confectionery addiction kicked off the moment an impressionable youngster watched a vulgar blue puppet shovel platefuls of these things into his gaping, vacant mouth-hole. This obsession probably also explains why the Sexy Cookie Monster costume exists. (Related: I'm still… » 7/22/14 2:09pm Tuesday 2:09pm

Fast-Food Fight: Subway's Pulled Pork Vs. Wendy's Pretzel Bacon Burger

There are three main founts of greasy innovation whence spring the majority of new fast-food items. The bulk originate in the wide and shallow Same Shit, Different Condiments pool; they are joined by more ambitious offerings from the genres of Cynical Stunt Food and Honest-to-Ronald Attempts to Introduce Nice New… » 7/18/14 2:52pm 7/18/14 2:52pm

"Weird Al" Yankovic's Mandatory Fun Is Not The End (We Hope)

Does anyone actually hate "Weird Al" Yankovic? You'll usually find two reactions to him: adoration or indifference, with the indifference mostly confined to wayward millennials. Considering that he's been churning out parodies (and originals!) for nearly 35 years, that in itself is impressive. He's done his thing… » 7/18/14 10:00am 7/18/14 10:00am